Wait .. Waited.... Waiting

Bald Eagle waiting/looking for food

Waiting just seems to be a part of life, for both man and beast.

I have just had an exercise in waiting.

An accidental observation in a lung x-ray revealed to my rheumatologist a widening of my mediastinum.

That began a long series of blood tests, scans, biopsies.... all of them in the plural and all of them followed by waiting periods often extended by doctors going 'out of town' or tests lost or needing to be redone.

Waiting, waiting, waiting -- that extended into weeks, then several months.

Finally, this week I got that call I had been waiting for that gave me some definitive 'answers' or at least an indicated direction of resolve.

The suspicious nodule in my substernal goiter is impossible to biopsy for cancer. The only way is be sure is to biospy it after removing my thyroid gland. But, my oncologist/surgeon explained, in my case that is not a simple surgery since it will take two surgeons and my breastbone needing to be broken to help get the thyroid gland out.

So I am scheduled for more appointments and waiting for the inevitable surgery.

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In thinking about my situation ....I have realized some things about waiting.

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1> The feeling of being alone. Perhaps the common childish fear of being abondoned by parents is a fear that never really leaves and we feel remnants of it throughout our lives. When we are standing outside a building waiting for someone to come pick us up or waiting in a coffeeshop for a friend who is late. we feel suddenly alone and the fear of abandonment threatens to surface even though reason tells us the wait is only temporary.

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2> Waiting involves dependancy on someone else.

There is only one reason to 'wait'. Someone/something is needed in our life that we have no control over. Someone else has the power or authority to make it happen but for some reason their action is delayed.

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3> Waiting is emotionally demanding.

Waiting draws an intensely emotional focus on the thing we are waiting for, causing the other things in our life to pale in importance. When we are waiting for something, it is difficult to impossible to prioritize any other way than to keep that waited-for-thing at the top of our 'focus on' list.

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Waiting - how happily we would banish it from our lives.

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And then - when we turn for comfort to the scriptures we are simply told ... "Wait on the Lord!"

How can that be comfort?

We wait feeling so alone struggling to trust/believe that He will come through, somehow, sometime.

But will He? Perhaps His will is not what we are hoping for...perhaps His timing is not our timing...perhaps we are undeserving of His attention.... are we abandoned?

Fear arises in our hearts minimizing our faith.

We wait... watching, hoping, longing for that one thing that will make our life better .. if only the Lord would act on our behalf.

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But wait .... we have it all wrong ... there is something beautiful we have missed !

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Psa 27:14 "Wait on the LORD; Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the LORD!"

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The way we read the verse we subconsciously read into it all of the emotion of what the word 'wait' brings to mind and heart.

But there is something VERY different when God calls us to 'wait' for Him - something I only learned recently.

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The Hebrew word for 'wait' is a word that means 'to bind or entwine'. That word meaning suddenly changes the whole situation.

What God is inviting us to do .. rather than sit alone and afraid... is to come and wait 'entwined' with Him.

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We are not asked to wait alone.

He Himself will wait with us, His arm protectively around us as we wait together.

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We wait, not dependent on the frailty of man or the unpredictability of circumstances.

We wait knowing that God has all things under His control. We need not fear.

God asks us, rather than struggling to keep our emotions from frustrating or terrifying us, to bind ourselves to His word, to His promises as we wait together with Him.

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Then, instead of being focused on the 'thing' we are waiting for we are focused on Him... our hearts entwined with His... our thoughts following His thoughts, our mind grasping hold of His promises , our emotions 'resting' in the security of His peace, our hearts rejoicing in praise and thanksgiving.

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THAT is what 'waiting' on the Lord is !

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